Muselisation

Ever done something and makes you regret, even until now?

How many times in life do we do something that make us regret for life, because it changes the way our life should have been.

A mistake was made months back, one mistake that there is no chance for a u-turn.

Months later, did I realise that the mistake has resulted as a life long lesson to myself.

Not only has the mistake causes many troubles to myself and people around, but also change me very much.

Realising that I have committed a mistake that is beyond salvage, yet do not have the courage to admit it.

Keeping something to yourself is like having a big boulder pinning you down. The feeling is neither here nor there.

No matter how hard I try to lift the boulder up, it just does not move.

The girl who once stand as the statue of confidence has disappear.

What is the left is only a shell with an empty inside.

Sometime I felt, this is how scary things are. A small mistake committed can actually lead to an end result which not only affect the current situation, but affect you for a long long time.

Class 95 - Forever by Damage (Another childhood pop that brings me back to my pri sch days...)

Thinking about it, its been almost a year since the first time I went to KL with other 4 TMC kidz... Just what happen to us over that last one year???

Well, it's obvious that XD is in Australia now (well well... I'm suppoes to be there too), am really missing her quite badly over here. But she's coming back for a short holiday this coming July, am really looking forward to her return. As for Apple, havent seen her since the last time we met at Mel grandpa's wake, even so didnt speak much to her. The last time I had more conversation would probably be the last time I attend Madiana's soci class... Yah, yet to really hear from her since then as whatever follows were merely school related stuffs. But nothing is worse than Joel and Jasper, I totally never hear anything from both of them. Now that we no longer have same classes together and our class schedule no longer coincide, it definitely number down our chances of bumping into one another. The last time I seen PPJ was the day after I came back from Aussie and as for Jasper would probably be the Zenitant's "gathering".

Come to think about it, really misses these people and the fun we had at KL. Like I once said, this group of people id definitely one of those companions you would wish to have while travelling.

While this semester coming to an end soon, it also mark the final school holiday that PPJ will get to enjoy before he commence the next chapter of life. And this time round, we definitely not going anywhere for holiday together. But hopefully we will soon have the chance to do something like that again.... Hehehehe....

Class 95 - Say you love me by Simply Red (Another nice song for the day to end nicely)

Class 95 - Swept Away by Christopher Cross

***It's just another quiet night, sitting at the living room enjoying my music and some thoughts just swept across my mind. Haven't had much chance to do this lately, do kind of miss this sort of time where I can be with myself.***

Remember your ambition when you were young?? Sitting at the small square top table thinking about what you will be when you grow up. Since young we have been told that, we should study hard so that we can be lawyer and doctor one day when we grew up. However, it's only when we grow that we realise things does not come just as easy as we thought it will be. What once to be our ambition when we were, may not longer the one there for us anymore.

Was telling AY, when I was young I hope to grow up soon so that I can fulfill my dream about being an air stewardess. However, as I grow older, I realise this dream is no longer applicable to me. For those who are close to me, or even those who have seen me before knows exactly where this problem lies. Hahaha, I fail at the first immediate requirement and that is I'm not tall enough. Standing at only 148 cm, I'm like 10 cm away from the minimum requirement. Why am I so keen about being an air stewardess?? Well, though not a very prestigious job but I like the idea or being able to travel while working. This job is your passport to the world outside this small island. Not that I don't wish to stay here but I just love to travel. Then again come the question from AY, "Since then, you can always find another job that allows you to travel or something that you get relatively well earning and travel on your own?" Well true to a certain extend, that is why I have no idea how to answer her. But I just felt that the feeling is probably different. Being on a business trip is a totally different type of feeling, I have seen ex colleagues travelling to places like Hong Kong and some other countries for business trip. Which is something we pretty much envy about, but the thing we don't know is that, they do not have much personal time when they were there. Schedules were pretty tight so they have to attend one meeting after next and follow by meals with different people. I bet they definitely do not enjoy this sort of travel.

Ever sit down and think about what you aspire to be when you were young?? Are your dreams fulfilled already??

Here is another nice song on Class 95 by Collin Raye - Love, Me