Muselisation

最近迷上了 “命中注定我爱你” 这套戏。
剧情使我回想起一年前的今天我做的一个决定。
“当初的坚持就是希望他会有改变的一天，左盼右盼， 终于我还是选择了放弃。”
试想想，就算有一天真得让我坚持到了结婚的那天。
得到了他的人，但是心不在这里，那还叫幸福吗？

一直以来我都很希望在三十岁以前能够结婚，所以当我遇见他时我就很开心，以为我再找得他终于出现了。
他简直就符合了我 checklist 里90%的要求，那我又何必要去纠正那10%呢？反正，在这世界上，没有人是完美的。而且，和他在一起时，我真的有一种很被宠坏，很幸福的感觉。就好像老天爷派了一个为我量身定做的男朋友。
但童话始终还是童话。
到最后，我们终究还是分手了。
这个符合了我 checklist 90%的男人，到最后还是从我身边悄悄的远离我了。

一年后的今天，虽然很多时候我都告诉自己与身边的好友“我对这个人已尽死心，我以近放下他了。”
但我知道，在我心里的某处还是很想他，真的真得很想他。

到今天我还是很希望，时间能冲淡一切，把脚步都带走，把痕迹都插掉，让伤口赶快愈合。

Since the day I completed my uni course and graduated with my bachelor, the question of "Why did I choose to study this???" keeps running across my mind constantly. Despite the amount of hard work I put in and the excellent results that I had obtained during my uni days, it still could not stop me from having the thought. It especially does not help at all when my parents constantly question me about my choice of course. So much for these disagreeing that only came after I have completed the entire course. As such, the guiltiness and regrets I have continues as the years gone by.
***Frankly speaking, since young I was never an academic student. As a kid, I had always love to deal with handy crafts, drawings and even Design & Technology stuffs in sec sch. However, the result that I had score in Uni was pretty impressive, especially to myself, for the fact that, these are all English theory modules that we are talking here.***

Recently, I met this man, or should I call him a wise man? Anyway, this person here reassure me that, in the first place I did not choose the wrong course when furthering studies at the university. Secondly, instead of thinking that I had made the wrong choice, I should just continue practicing what I had learned.
"WHY is not the word that you should use to question yourself. You should stop asking yourself WHY WHY WHY."
"Writing is also a way of displaying your talent in terms of creativity. Someday you will come to realize what is the genre that you enjoy writing and from there you may begin contributing."
"Continue writing and keep your articles, do not publish it immediately. Someday down the road, take out the article and read it again, trust me, there will definitely be a lot of changes that you will want to make to it. Do this a few round..... and you will see your success."
Taking the man's encouraging words with me, I will probably have to try to see things from another perspective?

Just this morning, as I was checking up on my yahoo's email account, it is the email that I never pay attention to and its always flooded.
To my surprise, one of the email was actually about someone commenting on one of my blog entry that was log in some 3 years ago, Memoir Of Harry Tan.
Seriously, back then when I was blogging this entry, I did not expect anyone will be interested or want to comment about anything. 3 years down the road, apparently, this post had caught the attention of a few. **Then again, maybe its Harry that they are attracted to, lol** Nevertheless, while reading the post again, it really amazes me as to how I could still relate the feeling.

It is really fun digging out and reading the stuffs that you used to write, be it school assignment articles or emotional letter for the so and so. Maybe I should start to do some compilation work for my past years writing and who knows I may be able to find something interesting from it.

Just a few weeks back, a close friend receive news about company is gonna sponsor her to further her studies. Seriously, with terms like that, who is not happy about it. Then again just today, she was telling me about how worried she is, in terms of the depth of her knowledge as well as her professional experience. So I gave her a golden words of advise that I hope will help her and maybe other people that are around me:

Do not whine about the PAST
Do not worried about the FUTURE
Just enjoy the PRESENT...

Think it through, when we were back in the primary school days, don't we always whine about how stupid this teacher is and how lousy that principle is. All we were looking forward to, was just the secondary school that we will be promoted to.
Then again when we were in secondary school, we started arguing with my English teacher about why she should not penalize us for such small mistakes. Thinking back at how nice the primary school teacher was, she would have just warn me and give me the mark still. Cursing and swearing at the syllabus that MOE had came up with, thinking that if only all the syllabus are as easy as it was in primary school.
The same thing goes on and on even through the JC days, the Poly days and even the Uni days.

If you realize, these opportunities only come by once. Think back and you will realize, the type of experience that you go through at the different stages of your life is different.

Someday, you may graduate from a university with a Bachelor Degree, and after working for a few years, you decided that you wish to further your knowledge and so you went on to Masters Program. Even if you get back to the same school, being monitored by the same mentor. Trust me, the experience that you are going through will no longer be the same as the one you had.

So instead of whining and worrying, why not just appreciate the process. Who knows, you may in turn see things that you could not have seen.

It was a long weekend that everyone was looking forward to, for a weekend getaway, for a long break, etc. For me, it was a trip down to Tioman Island, the place that I had always wanted to return to. For some reason which I don't know, I actually say "ok" to my father, when he ask me to join him for the trip. To add on to the excitement, we had decided to go diving. Its been years since I last jump into the sea and say hello to the fishes.

Although things tend to happened without a reason, say that I am superstitious, but you still have to agree that many times there are little hints around you as a form of warning.

Was running a fever on the day before trip, but surprisingly, neiter did that dampened or stop me from continuing with the trip. So we set off together with other boats from the club as planned. It was a sunny day with a fair bit of clouds. Being the slowest boat among all, we were left behind in no time.

Everything was moving smoothly, however, out of nowhere, the statellite GPS went haywire. For some reason, it was not receiving signals anymore, so we had to rely on a manual compass to navigate our way. Along the way, the engine was working fine and not giving much problem.

As we were close to the Limau Chanel, already crossed over to the Malaysia water, the power went off suddenly and there were black smokes coming out from the engine room. (5 mins before all these happens, we were still checking out the stern of the boat to ensure that there were no black smoke, and everything was fine.) My father went down to take a look at what went wrong. The other 2 ladies on the boat starting dialing for rescue, trying to get someone to come and tow our boat back to Singapore, but to no avail. As instructed, I went into the cabin and try to locate for the fire extinguishers. This was not the first time that the engine was throwing tantrum and spitting out black smokes, but subconsciously, my father just felt that we should get the extinguishers out and put on our life jackets this time round.

After about 15 mins of trying to someone, either from Singapore or the rest of the boats that left with us, the smoke just grew stronger. Seeing the situation turning from bad to worse, my father signal for me to launch the canoes and everyone to get ready to jump into the sea. Upon launching the canoe, I spotted the first sign of fire and it was so freaking near to my father. At this point of time, it was totally impossible for the fire extinguisher to put out the fire, so we had to abandon the boat and jump into the sea.

Floating on the sea, looking at the boating getting, it was definitely not a pleasant sight and really felt helpless. All I could do, was only to try to console the rest and myself by saying, at least we are still alive here. The longer we stayed in the water, the stronger the fire was growing, slowly it swallow the entire upper deck and I could see the cabin was burning badly as well.

Just before we jump into the sea, my father's friend manage to get call back to the club and get the club admin to contact one of them from group. They turn back to look for us, and that was only about 20 - 30 mins after we jump into the sea. We were save by the Malaysia's coast guard first.

Everything was gone, the boat was gone, our travelling documents were gone, and of course not forgetting our belongings too.

• My backpack that saw me through my secondary school, poly and uni days, was gone.
• My Nano that accompanied me through the long journeys across the borders and the many studying session, was gone.
• My laptop that weathered through the many boring nights with me, and the one who kept my deepest and darkest things about me, was gone.
  
• My "buddy" that slept by my side through the tearful night, was gone.
  
• My digi cam that capture my happiness and many memorable moments, was gone too.

After the incident, my father was telling, "This is definitely an experience of a lifetime that you will never forget."

The last we heard about the boat was that, while they were trying to put out the fire, they filled the boat with water and it ended up sinking into the sea.

It's been almost 6 months since my court case against my previous employer, who refuses to pay me my hard earned wages. Today, for the first time since the court case, I message my ex-colleague whom, I must admit, I was pretty pissed off with. It was actually one of the videographer whom I used to worked with encourages me to talk to her, as he said there were some misunderstanding between us caused by the ex-employer.

During the conversation, I finally heard from her the entire story about how my ex-employer suddenly disappear one day with all the equipments, and the amount of money that he had owed her in all. And of course, there were certain misunderstandings that I had about this ex-colleague that had been ironed out today as well. Once again, things have prove me wrong that, whatever that has been presented to you right at your face may not necessary be the truth. Of course, you out there, might think that, "Then what makes you think that, whatever she said is the true?" Oh well, I do have to give her my benefits of doubt, then again, it's her sincerity that tells me, she is not lying, and I choose to believe what she said. Of course, on top of that, the explanations that she has given me could be verify by myself. As such, back to basic, never let your judgments be blinded by what you have seen with your eyes.

For the past 6 months, I have been complaining about how sucky my life was, for all the miseries that has occurred. Until recently, the ex-videographer told me, "You really very lucky to run away so fast, at least you got back part of your money." Initially, I didn't really see that as "very lucky", rather I see it as a misfortune and kept thinking, "How how how? The fellow ran away and I still have $800 bucks with him. how?" But it was until today, after talking to my ex-colleague that I come to realised just how lucky I was. Putting aside the fact that, something like that actually happened in my life. View this entire issue from another angle, I was lucky enough to make the decision of leaving the company and charge him to the MOM's court while he was still in Singapore, and getting back part of my wages. Ex-colleague, together with another freelancer and translator who freelance for us, were not paid a single cent for the efforts that they have put into the projects.

When there is a small black dot on a piece of white paper, most of the time, people would only focus on the dot and ask, why is there a dot that destroy the entire piece of paper. Very seldom do people realised that, there are a big portion of the white paper that was not destroyed and could still be used to write or for other purpose. In this case, I must admit I am one of the majority who sees only the black dot and ignored the white. And today itself, I have come to realised how, "Seeing things from a different perspective," could really make you a happier person sometimes.

重话要轻说
好话要多说
伤人的话就别说了。。。


失重了很久，心情似乎平息的多了, 对于人生的看法与目标也有些不一样了。
伤心事就别提太多了。
今天就让这金句来陪你吧 ：-)

A sudden relisation that I havent been blogging for more than a month. Recently, I also found out that, this happen once every year, where I will happen to not blog for one whole month.

Anyway, life have been as per normal for me. Found a new job somewhere, been here for a month already, till date surviving pretty well.

Not much life I have since the break up and after I got the job. The working hours here are odd, I start work at 11.30 AM and end work at 8.30 PM. ***You pretty much guess so that I'm still in the office right now*** Been keeping myself occupy on weekends by going for jet ski and making the effort to meet up most of the friends whom I havent seen for a long time.

Sometime, it does felt weird as to the fact that I gotta think of how to occupy my weekends, and also the fact that I have one person lesser by my side now. Nevertheless, I am coping pretty well with my single life out here. To a certain extend, I pretty much enjoy it though. Initially, I thought it would gonna be a tough time for me. But looking at myself now, I guess, I definitely agrees to the term of "No one person is indispensable in this world".

Right, so much for about my life lately, I gonna end here.

For MJ gang's annual retreat, we are heading down to Hong Kong this year. So for the next entry, will prolly be all about my holiday trip to Hong Kong.

Ciaoz~!