Muselisation

It was a long weekend that everyone was looking forward to, for a weekend getaway, for a long break, etc. For me, it was a trip down to Tioman Island, the place that I had always wanted to return to. For some reason which I don't know, I actually say "ok" to my father, when he ask me to join him for the trip. To add on to the excitement, we had decided to go diving. Its been years since I last jump into the sea and say hello to the fishes.

Although things tend to happened without a reason, say that I am superstitious, but you still have to agree that many times there are little hints around you as a form of warning.

Was running a fever on the day before trip, but surprisingly, neiter did that dampened or stop me from continuing with the trip. So we set off together with other boats from the club as planned. It was a sunny day with a fair bit of clouds. Being the slowest boat among all, we were left behind in no time.

Everything was moving smoothly, however, out of nowhere, the statellite GPS went haywire. For some reason, it was not receiving signals anymore, so we had to rely on a manual compass to navigate our way. Along the way, the engine was working fine and not giving much problem.

As we were close to the Limau Chanel, already crossed over to the Malaysia water, the power went off suddenly and there were black smokes coming out from the engine room. (5 mins before all these happens, we were still checking out the stern of the boat to ensure that there were no black smoke, and everything was fine.) My father went down to take a look at what went wrong. The other 2 ladies on the boat starting dialing for rescue, trying to get someone to come and tow our boat back to Singapore, but to no avail. As instructed, I went into the cabin and try to locate for the fire extinguishers. This was not the first time that the engine was throwing tantrum and spitting out black smokes, but subconsciously, my father just felt that we should get the extinguishers out and put on our life jackets this time round.

After about 15 mins of trying to someone, either from Singapore or the rest of the boats that left with us, the smoke just grew stronger. Seeing the situation turning from bad to worse, my father signal for me to launch the canoes and everyone to get ready to jump into the sea. Upon launching the canoe, I spotted the first sign of fire and it was so freaking near to my father. At this point of time, it was totally impossible for the fire extinguisher to put out the fire, so we had to abandon the boat and jump into the sea.

Floating on the sea, looking at the boating getting, it was definitely not a pleasant sight and really felt helpless. All I could do, was only to try to console the rest and myself by saying, at least we are still alive here. The longer we stayed in the water, the stronger the fire was growing, slowly it swallow the entire upper deck and I could see the cabin was burning badly as well.

Just before we jump into the sea, my father's friend manage to get call back to the club and get the club admin to contact one of them from group. They turn back to look for us, and that was only about 20 - 30 mins after we jump into the sea. We were save by the Malaysia's coast guard first.

Everything was gone, the boat was gone, our travelling documents were gone, and of course not forgetting our belongings too.

• My backpack that saw me through my secondary school, poly and uni days, was gone.
• My Nano that accompanied me through the long journeys across the borders and the many studying session, was gone.
• My laptop that weathered through the many boring nights with me, and the one who kept my deepest and darkest things about me, was gone.
  
• My "buddy" that slept by my side through the tearful night, was gone.
  
• My digi cam that capture my happiness and many memorable moments, was gone too.

After the incident, my father was telling, "This is definitely an experience of a lifetime that you will never forget."

The last we heard about the boat was that, while they were trying to put out the fire, they filled the boat with water and it ended up sinking into the sea.

It's been almost 6 months since my court case against my previous employer, who refuses to pay me my hard earned wages. Today, for the first time since the court case, I message my ex-colleague whom, I must admit, I was pretty pissed off with. It was actually one of the videographer whom I used to worked with encourages me to talk to her, as he said there were some misunderstanding between us caused by the ex-employer.

During the conversation, I finally heard from her the entire story about how my ex-employer suddenly disappear one day with all the equipments, and the amount of money that he had owed her in all. And of course, there were certain misunderstandings that I had about this ex-colleague that had been ironed out today as well. Once again, things have prove me wrong that, whatever that has been presented to you right at your face may not necessary be the truth. Of course, you out there, might think that, "Then what makes you think that, whatever she said is the true?" Oh well, I do have to give her my benefits of doubt, then again, it's her sincerity that tells me, she is not lying, and I choose to believe what she said. Of course, on top of that, the explanations that she has given me could be verify by myself. As such, back to basic, never let your judgments be blinded by what you have seen with your eyes.

For the past 6 months, I have been complaining about how sucky my life was, for all the miseries that has occurred. Until recently, the ex-videographer told me, "You really very lucky to run away so fast, at least you got back part of your money." Initially, I didn't really see that as "very lucky", rather I see it as a misfortune and kept thinking, "How how how? The fellow ran away and I still have $800 bucks with him. how?" But it was until today, after talking to my ex-colleague that I come to realised just how lucky I was. Putting aside the fact that, something like that actually happened in my life. View this entire issue from another angle, I was lucky enough to make the decision of leaving the company and charge him to the MOM's court while he was still in Singapore, and getting back part of my wages. Ex-colleague, together with another freelancer and translator who freelance for us, were not paid a single cent for the efforts that they have put into the projects.

When there is a small black dot on a piece of white paper, most of the time, people would only focus on the dot and ask, why is there a dot that destroy the entire piece of paper. Very seldom do people realised that, there are a big portion of the white paper that was not destroyed and could still be used to write or for other purpose. In this case, I must admit I am one of the majority who sees only the black dot and ignored the white. And today itself, I have come to realised how, "Seeing things from a different perspective," could really make you a happier person sometimes.

重话要轻说
好话要多说
伤人的话就别说了。。。


失重了很久，心情似乎平息的多了, 对于人生的看法与目标也有些不一样了。
伤心事就别提太多了。
今天就让这金句来陪你吧 ：-)

A sudden relisation that I havent been blogging for more than a month. Recently, I also found out that, this happen once every year, where I will happen to not blog for one whole month.

Anyway, life have been as per normal for me. Found a new job somewhere, been here for a month already, till date surviving pretty well.

Not much life I have since the break up and after I got the job. The working hours here are odd, I start work at 11.30 AM and end work at 8.30 PM. ***You pretty much guess so that I'm still in the office right now*** Been keeping myself occupy on weekends by going for jet ski and making the effort to meet up most of the friends whom I havent seen for a long time.

Sometime, it does felt weird as to the fact that I gotta think of how to occupy my weekends, and also the fact that I have one person lesser by my side now. Nevertheless, I am coping pretty well with my single life out here. To a certain extend, I pretty much enjoy it though. Initially, I thought it would gonna be a tough time for me. But looking at myself now, I guess, I definitely agrees to the term of "No one person is indispensable in this world".

Right, so much for about my life lately, I gonna end here.

For MJ gang's annual retreat, we are heading down to Hong Kong this year. So for the next entry, will prolly be all about my holiday trip to Hong Kong.

Ciaoz~!

Hey I'm not missing...

Just that many things been happening all at one go lately, it was pretty overwhelming that I didn't really have the mood to blog about anything. Things were all happening too fast and too sudden for me to even take a breathe and think.

Good and bad things happens all the time. But for me this time round, all the not so good things seems to be happening all at one go. And these things pretty much covers most aspects that is surrounding my life. It basically ranges from my family, to my career and even my relationship.

Workplace politics is just too common and it happens in most places. But right now, I'm facing politics at home. How can that ever happen right?? Well, it just happens. Sometime its really difficult to juggle between being being the good girl in everyone's eye and being fair to each and every party. Its a human error to be bias to one party despite hearing stories from all angles. On my part, I am trying my best to be objective, not being bias to anyone. I just hope that, things will get better at home and that the dark clouds will soon be gone after the heavy down pour.

As for work... I was left with no choice to leave a job that I enjoyed so much, due to some pushing reasons. In order not to protect everyone, I'm not going to talk about what the pushing reasons are. In actual fact it really took me much courage even when it's only tendering a resignation letter. Nevertheless, I must really say, this is a place where I have really learn a lot things that are beyond classroom. I get to see things that I have never thought I would.

As for relationship, being in a relationship where one party no longer love another is as bad as a chef who have lost his sense of taste. People change, love changes as well. Being the usual stubborn self, I hold on to it believing that we will get pass the bad phase and things will get better eventually. Then again, I have come to realize this theory does not apply to every single issue. Its a case by case basis. In this relationship, I put in my heart and soul ensuring that I do not neglect him or miss out on anything like what I have done in the previous relationship. I did all I can to salvage this relationship, I even went to the extend of changing myself. Friends keep coming to me saying that I'm silly and no point in continuing, but I just went on and on. But like what I've always say, "It takes 2 hands to clap."

It took me quite sometime to finally realize that things are seriously not work out and it is really time to end this agonizing relationship that is pulling both of us down. It was not an easy decision to come up with. A relationship of 1.5 years, with a guy whom I had always dream about dating. 不在乎天长地久， 旨在乎曾经拥有.

Apart from the instant moment where we have both decided to end this mutually, I have not tear a single drop until now. Not that I am not sad about the ending, seriously until now it still very much hurt but I just don't know how to cry suddenly. Buddy Bryan says "Curry, I think you really grow up le." Well, hopefully he is right, and that could be why I am not crying.

"The ex bf" and me are still talking, but it definitely feels weird. Guess and hopefully time will cure.

I kept telling myself "Things can never be worse than what is happening right now, so let's just pray for a better tomorrow."

明天会更好!!!!!!

Its less than 4 months away to my 24th birthday. Being at this age, most people or shall I say most girls are already out there working with a stable job. For me, yes I am part of these people who already started working but unlike them the kid instinct in me still very much exist.

Many people out there comment about the fact that I doesn't look like my age, well I guess to a certain extend mentality does play a crucial role in the condition to your facade. The bf always complain that I'm a kid, seeking for endless attention and making childish request. Just moments ago, I was given a piece of mind again about how weak he thinks I am in terms of stress management. For that, I do agree that my ability in managing stress is worse than a kid taking PSLE. And because of this reason, back in university days I always start on my assignments a few weeks earlier than my friends. Other wise I will start having emotional break down when the deadlines are near, which will eventually result in me to not doing any of my work at all.

Earlier I was telling a friend that, it's so difficult to be an adult, because you have to try different ways to cope with different form of stress. For me I love being a kid, all I have to do was just go to school, do my homework and go for exam (Despite the fact that exam is another form of stress). I don't want to GROW UP, then again I have no control over such things.

My environment is forcing me to grow up, my family is forcing me to grow up, my parents are forcing me to grow up and now even the bf is forcing me to grow up. Sometime, after work when I go home, I just hope to be in a comfort zone being sheltered away from stormy weather outside. But I guess the bf had enough of me being a kid, so decided to just throw me out to fight the storm alone and strengthen me by pouring icy water on me. In a way, I do understand and know that he meant well. On the other hand, I'm almost frozen to death soon...

It's ironic as to how fragile life can be.

The man who tend the mama shop at the void deck of my house pass away just yesterday. Being 55 years old (according to my grandma) single man, he decided to end his life just like that.

Though he is not someone who is very close to my family, but both him and his shop had been around for the longest time I can remember. His shop has inevitably been the part of many children's childhood and that of course include me.

Those were the much younger days where I never fail to patronize his shop for the 20 cents frozen syrup tube, the 50 cents tubular push up chocolate ice cream and the 40 cents orange bar sherbet ice cream. Not forgetting those "lao hong" crackers too (recalled by my sister). Although we have always been complaining about the expiry date of the food at his shop, but eventually at the end of the day we still go back to him for our once in a while junk food crave.

The news still came as a shock to everyone, although we know that his business was already not doing well for sometime and that he was on several medication.

Both my grandmother and father were pretty upset about the tragic, but I guess thats just another part of life. All I can hope for now is just that he can rest in peace and have a better life in the nether land.