Muselisation

Sometime its sad how people who are close to you actually make fun of your sad and miserable life.

On my side, for the past 2 years, apart from academic results nothing has been really going well for me.

Incident that happen a year ago has cause great impact to my life and me as a person. Confidence and patience have been greatly hit.

Upon graduation, and finally settle down with a job. I thought everything will be finally settle into place. Never did I over estimate my judgment on how I see people and a seriously back stab. 1 month and 1 week into the job, I was finally ask to leave, because my boss thinks that I am incompetence and I am always on the wrong frequency with her. With that I took my leave and accepted a job offer that has been offered to me by someone whom I merely spoke to for 5 mins.

Right now at this job, everything seems to going fine, although I still screw up from time to time but at least and finally I understand what is require of me and what I am doing.
When all these things are taking place, I actually stumble upon something that was happening right behind my back. From a close friend I get to know that, close friends are betting right behind my back about how long I am going to stay in this job. When I found about this, I was pretty much dumb founded and had no absolute idea how to react.

There were many times in my previous job that I have to hold back my tears and even swallow them. Being accuse for stuffs that I have totally no idea about. I have always been having this bad temper personality, but right at this very first job, never for a single time have I ever lost my temper or anything. I don't expect people around me to know about all these things, and all I seek for are understandings from close ones. And I definitely know that, people are there right behind me criticizing and making loads and loads about my personality. I told myself never to be bother with these people, and I didn't even bother to seek for their understanding in the situation. But what I think that is ridiculous is having your close, people who see you through your good and bad days and people whom you from time to time will seek comfort in to do shits behind you. When I found out about this, I felt so betrayed and disappointed. This feeling is 10 time more hurtful than when I was being back-stabbed by someone whom I only know for 1 month plus.

So can you please tell me, am I really that terrible as a person to deserve something like that?