Muselisation

Ever caught in a situation:
"As you and your group of friends were out, when it comes to time to make decision, everyone starts being wishy washy and the word "anything" seems to come in handy at this very moment. Eventually someone just had to be the hero deciding on where to eat, what movie to watch, etc. Well, the thing here is when the outcome is receptive by the entire group, no one seems to appreciate the hero act of this person. On the other hand, when the outcome turns out to be negative, inevitably the hero starts feeling guilty out of the blue. People start pointing finger behind hero's back about the super duper lousy choice that he/she had made."

Many times, when encountering situations like this, I can't help but wonder, "Are we really that nice and easy-going as a person or are we simply trying to avoid bearing the consequences of the choice that we had made?"
Taking myself for instance, I have to admit that I used to be in the "anything" group most of the time, especially when it comes to meeting friends whom I only see like once or twice a year. Reason being? Well, it was simply for the reason that I only met these people once or twice a year, with regards to the type of things they like, I am totally clueless about it. So, instead of pleasing someone, and at the same time making someone unhappy, might as well just say "anything" and throw the ball to another person's court.

At the age of 25, I finally grew up to have my own opinions on things that are happening and learn that, "sometime someone just have to be the hero, even though heroes die young."

(**Suddenly wondering what had happened to me over the past 24 years of my life, leaving others to decided my life for me...**)

Then again, here comes the other side of life when you decided that you should not be so wishy washy, instead be firm and decisive! You start being sensitive and cautious on others' reaction about the decision you made. No matter how many million times you told yourself, "you can't always please everyone, just go with the majority, " you can't help but still feel the need to please everyone and when you realize that one person, out of the rest of the ten, is not enjoying, you will start feeling bad and guilty. From time to time, you even start having doubts on the choice and decision you have made on behalf of others.

Say that I am sensitive, but somehow, many times, I do kind of felt that people are talking behind my back or pointing finger at me when I take on the role as the decisive one. Then again you may be wondering just how accurate my level of sensitivity is? Well, at least I am quite sure my sensitive-ness hits the bull eye at least 80% - 85% most of the time. (**Sometime, I am amazed at the accurateness of my "sixth-sense"**)

Seriously, why do human function in this manner? Or is it only us the Chinese, or even the Singaporean that is functioning like that???

You only live your life once, you have the right to choose the way how you want your life to be. Should you always be looking back and thinking, "this this this and that could have better result if i thought about this." Then you are seriously going to spend your whole life regretting about the decisions that you have made...

Jill Mansell had always been my favorite writer, come to think about it, it's been a few years since I started reading her book back in uni days.

As the saying always goes, "One man's meat is another man's poison." I guess not many friends around me appreciate this sort of scandalous novel as much as I do. Nonetheless, I believe there are many more others out there who are just as scandally in love with Jill's novel.

Anyway, in this most recent book of hers "Rumour Has it", I do see a little of change from her past novels. The magnetic force about her books that keeps you going back to her are definitely the kinky stories and how she was able to fill you in with the bit of kinky details yet pulling the apple an inch away from just as you were about to get it. However, in this new book of her, she added a bit more emotions to it. This morning as I was reading chapter 47 on the bus, I was on the verge of tearing when reading about how Stella, one of the quite irritating character in the book, pass away. Seriously, it's been quite a long while since I had read a book that made me tear over for. This book definitely have got some substance there...

I have always remember, the first ever book that I was able to complete reading without having my mother to scream her head off me was "Red Sky in the Morning". That was my literature book in sec 1. Can't really remember who the author was, but trust me, out of the 4 times that I had read this book, not a single time I never shed a tear when Ben died. Maybe I should try reading it for the 5th time and see how things goes...

A recent chat with a friend whom I was pretty close with, made me further realize as to how someone can really change over time due to unforeseen circumstances that took place.

So much for me feeling sad for myself from time to time about the things that has been happening, it was when I heard what had happened to my friend and his family that I realized, "Boy, he really don't deserve this."

This past close friend of mine was telling me that his mother had commit suicide while he was on detachment in Australia. With the fact that the mother had always been someone who was really cheerful and happy-go-lucky sort of person. It was even a harder fact to digest when she was so loving with her husband and close with the kids.

Everything happens for a reason, and I bet the mother of my friend might to glad to see how much her son had change since the incident took place. In a way, she might be really be happy to see that he is so much more a sensible person now, as compared to what he used to be.

Should we call this a blessing in disguise? Or is there something more appropriate that I could use? Because I bet having someone committing suicide is definitely not a blessing...

我任为要建立一段爱情的材料, 最重要的就是 "信任" 与 "尊重".
至于友情呢? 就是 "尊重" 与 "意气".

其实在家时, 我们与家人之间的家庭关系也是需要适当的材料与调味料来经营.

往往当我们都很专著的在建立爱情与友情时, 我们都忽略了我们从出世就认识的家人.

几天前, 当我和我老爸在收看 "糖心风暴" 时, 他就说到: "家人之间的凝聚力是很重要的. 一个家, 只要凝聚力强, 无论外面刮多大的风, 下多大的雨, 你们还是会稳固如山".

家人为我们做的一切事, 在我们眼里都是理所当然的.
试想想, 如果我们在面对家人时, 也能象我们面对爱人与朋友时, 多那一份尊重, 包容与了解, 那不是很好吗?

我周围的朋友当中, 有好几位和家人的关系都不是太好. 有些动不动就是吵架或打架, 而另一些就完完全全没跟家中的的某位成员不说话. 当我听到这类事情, 很多时候我都会感到十分的心寒.

其实在几年前, 我与我家中某位成员的关系也不是太好. 当初的我总认为, "为什么他只疼他和她们", "为什么他对他们那么好", "为什么总是不把我放在眼力", 为什么这个为什么那个. 过了两三年, 情况不但没好转, 反而越闹越将, 甚至曾经到一个地步我完全没跟家里的任何一个人说话.
发生了一件事情后, 瞬间让我领悟到了我经常都对自己说的一举话: "要别人尊重你, 首先你得先去尊重他人". 如果对于朋友, 这个 equation 是有效的, 那为什么我不能把这个 equation 用来对待我的家人呢? 始终是要有人跨越这第一步的, 而且这份失去依旧的信任与默契并不是一夜之间就能把它找回来的. 这一年来, 我与家人之间的关系的缺融洽与改善了很多. "When there's a will, there's a way... Also, it's better late than never..."

也许有空时, 不妨想想: "When was the last time you did something for the people at home? Have you been neglecting them for the longest time ever?"